Friday, February 27, 2009

I Am One HOT Chick ...



Literally. At the ripe old age of "almost 47", I'm suddenly right in the thick of perimenopausal hell, and let me tell you, I am not at all happy to be here. Strange things are now occurring within my body, rendering me not only a physical wreck, but impacting my mental and emotional states in a most negative manner as well.

I realize I'm venturing into the realm of "Entirely Too Much Information", but I don't care (she said with a surly snarl) -- this is most certainly a matter that affects (afflicts?) the vast majority of women, and I think we need to be able to freely discuss. And vent (lest we kill).

I began menstruating when I was 12, and my periods have arrived like clockwork for more than 30 years. Only recently have they become wildly unpredictable (as have my moods), and it's not much fun playing guessing games ... Will TODAY be the day she finally bleeds? Step right up, folks - place your bets ... Cramps are manifest; there's the telltale zit ... Odds are good, folks -- odds are good ...



The mood swings are outstandingly horrid, and make me nostalgic for the merely bitchy days of PMS. One minute I'm on top of the world, feeling magnanimous towards even the most unloveable. Wait about nine minutes, though, and I morph into unspeakable evil: I could likely eat babies for breakfast. I completely understand the mindset of the oft-stereotyped homicidal, middle-aged woman. I've had thoughts, people ... thoughts that I wouldn't even want to share here, for fear of implicating myself should you ever, say, hear on the news that a group of tourists was met with a hit-and-run fate while innocently navigating a city crosswalk.



Poor Rocky finds himself on the receiving end of my inexplicable anger all too often, I'm afraid. His benign query, "What are we going to do this weekend?" is met with a dagger-like darting of my eyes in his direction and a venom-laced response: "I don't know, alright?!?" How can he stand me? I can't even stand me.



The hot flashes are hellacious, and seem particularly brutal when they arrive in the middle of the night, waking me up with torturous regularity to engage in the "covers on! -- covers off!!! -- covers on!" dance that only serves to exacerbate my problems by adding sleep deprivation to the inventory. I'm almost always late to work in the mornings, since I have to take breaks to go and sit beneath a fan, while the sweat (and freshly-applied makeup) drips from my body as I try to go about my daily routine. Even now, as I sit and type this tirade, I feel my skin prickle and the heat begin to quickly crawl its way up from within my core, perspiration beading on my forehead.

They say that misery loves company, but it really doesn't help much, the knowledge that I'm not alone in this. Nor does it make me feel better to remind myself that "this too shall pass", as I fear it's here to stay for the unforeseeable future. I've now reached the inevitable point of having to make some decisions regarding my health and how I'll proceed from here on out. I'll admit it seems odd to be at this point in my life ... it seems like only yesterday I was first learning to use those feminine products, and now I seldom have the need for them (but they must always be close at hand, just in case.)

And so, at the ripe old age of "almost 47", I'm hot. Just not entirely in the way that I'd choose ... if only I could.

9 comments:

  1. I know what you mean - I am SO freakin' hot - LOL! I can TOTALLY commisserate - I find myself changing what I sleep in - I may start out in sweats, then have to switch to a T-shirt and shorts, or vice-versa! Sometimes I feel like I've PEED no myself, and SADLY, perhaps I HAVE! Can't EVEN sneeze or cough anymore without a little "leakage" - I know - TMI FOR SURE! And yes, every morning after blow drying my hair, I have to lay under a fan, which pretty much undoes my "do", because I'm sweatin' like a hog! "This too shall pass"... I guess at THIS point I too am wondering if it ever WILL! I feel your pain man!

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  2. Aw (wo)man, that sounds like true misery. Men have no idea how much easier they have it in the hormone department. I'm sorry you are so uncomfortable. You know what feels good? Cold soda (or beer) cans on your neck or in your armpits. Small ice packs (freeze water in ziploc bags) also are nice.

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  3. oh dear my fren... i can imagine how that must feel. i'm so sorry that you are feeling so totally miserable. my mom was on hormone replacement and she was alright. why don't you speak with your dr about it. i know there are some scary stuff attached to hormone replacement, but some are alright. i really hope you feel better... take care dear :)

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  4. I've carried my 'own personal Summer' since I was 16. At 50 I went into menapause, but never truly had a 'hot flash.' My sisters, however, go through the same thing you are going through. And I thought with menapause that the zits would stop. Not! I still sweat like the dickens though and soaking the pillow at night is no fun. I know what you mean about the 'evils' too. Don't give Sister B a gun, or she'll kill everything male that comes within her sight.

    Another 'curse' of womanhood. Take care of you. xxoo

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  5. Dear Jen,

    I feel for you. I just had surgery that is kind of throwing me into the same problems.

    I guess growing older isn't for the weak hearted. However, I have confidence that we will weather the storm.

    Does dressing in layers help? That way you can take off the layers as needed.

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  6. Ummmmm .. I passed that way at 40, with none of your symptoms, guess I was just lucky.

    ducking and running....

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  7. Been there, done that...only without the hot flashes! AND I was looking forward to them as I am always so freaking cold. But nooooooo, just a couple of warm flashes. sigh

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  8. Jen, I will tell you what my mother told me: hang in there. There is peace on the other side. One thing that helped: I kept a little Playmate cooler next to the bed, filled with frozen peas. They mold to the body and will cool you down in the middle of the night. I'm serious!

    In addition to hot flashes, I had brain fog...but I am having a blast in my 50s. Wouldn't have thought it possible, but I'm more productive, getting more done, and enjoying life.

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  9. Jen,
    I am quite lucky that I never through hot flushes but I easily sweat in hot weather.

    It's been a long time since I last see in my place...

    Take care dear.

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